Why did I stop? and should I Start Again?

Hello. December was a long time ago. What have I been doing since then? Lots I suppose, no time to write it down? Or was I just lazy? Or did I just tell it to someone instead? I think maybe it´s that. Anyway, in case you´ve missed me (ha, I know nobody actually reads this) or I´ve missed you...

I collected my paintings back from Café de la Luz earlier, they´d been on the walls for a month. It was nice to see them somewhere other than in my flat, and people seemed to like them. I sold one, the Cat for August that I posted a while ago here, yey! You could and should also buy one.

Also in Painting News, I have a studio! Generously given to me by my boyfriend´s grandad, it´s an old office that takes up two floors of a building near Goya and bits of it haven´t been touched for 20, 30 years, typewriters, lamps, fans, old bills and receipts... and a hell of a lot of furniture, which comes in very handy. I´ve got it all set up with a desk, all my paints and sofá for guests and models, who are very welcome any time!

Only thing is it´s been 4 years since I´ve had a studio or tried to paint BIG, and it shows, I feel like I´m back in Glasgow at the start of 4th year, except with no crits or tutorials or studio mates or watercress (Bowie) but with the same frustrating feeling of wanting to paint good things and making the same mistakes! Just needs a bit of time and practise.

At least my drawing has been getting some practise through Dibujo Madrid, it is so good. Tomorrow though I won´t have time for drawing, as I am breaking into the world of modelling. You´ll just have to wait and see the photos.

Is there anyone my age who doesn´t regularly, always, have huge doubts or just no idea about the future? It´s like I manage to forget for a few weeks, then I remember and worry, and apply for Jobs that don´t exist or I´m not qualified for, then decide to study, or just paint, then forget again and only remember I had a plan when I´ve forgotten what it was but I need to pay my rent and I´m confused.

Study fashion.
Study illustration.
Illustration might be easier and more handy for work?
Work in a school- eugh no. Not qualified anyway, happily.
Be a tour guide, take kids around museums and do workshops with them- this exists but apparently I´m not qualified and anyway the 3 jobs in Madrid are already taken.

Meh. Paint and sell some beautiful big landscapes for lots of euros, nothing under a month´s rent. That´ll do it.